i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
