Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
