in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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