just survived the first fart of the relationship.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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