Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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