summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
