I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
