Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
