ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
