I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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