considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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