Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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