after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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