Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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