I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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