A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
