Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
