from now on my penis is your penis
only if we run a train.
done.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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