Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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