It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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