I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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