you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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