May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize