I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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