Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize