Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
