hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
