So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
