it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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