he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
