Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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