i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
