Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
