The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
