there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize