Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
