tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize