The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
