i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
