U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
