i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
