I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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