I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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