so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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