I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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