it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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