I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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