the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
