I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
