I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
