She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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