I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize