Got a toothbrush?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
