if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize