I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
