Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
