Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
