I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
