Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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