in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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