i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
