woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
