She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Those nachos came to me in a dream
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
