i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
