mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
