Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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