you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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