Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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