I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
