I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
