this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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