so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
